At lunch today my co-worker Al described something as making her want to poop her pants “in the bad way.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing yet, but it’s definitely going to be something Steven Tyler: working on the brand of myself - Brand Tyler.” —
steven tyler.
tyty? are you really gonna stand for him stealing YOUR brand? (via non-blog)
Fuck that shit!
Look! I’m unblocked again! Exciting!
Oh, look! “My vagina fell out of my body!” (via julieklausner)
Ha ha! I’m retiring from the Internet for the rest of the day!
Isn’t it weird that I’m able to view the entire Internet until 9AM when the IT department’s blocking goes into effect? This office is really stupid sometimes.
Do you get it? (Emphasis mine.)
What did I get from Simon? An education - the thing my parents always wanted me to have. I learned a lot in my two years with Simon. I learned about expensive restaurants and luxury hotels and foreign travel, I learned about antiques and Bergman films and classical music. All this was useful when I went to Oxford - I could read a menu, I could recognise a fingerbowl, I could follow an opera, I was not a complete hick. But actually there was a much bigger bonus than that. My experience with Simon entirely cured my craving for sophistication. By the time I got to Oxford, I wanted nothing more than to meet kind, decent, straightforward boys my own age, no matter if they were gauche or virgins. I would marry one eventually and stay married all my life and for that, I suppose, I have Simon to thank.
This morning on the train I noticed two men that I found attractive. And then I noticed the rings on their left hands and thought, “UGH, MARRIED.” Then I began to have this fear that I am essentially turning into Mary Kay Place’s character from The Big Chill.
In other news, I logged into the Intranet at work this morning and discovered the following:
The 2009 Performance Appraisal process begins November 16th and that means now’s the time for most employees to begin preparing. How? Read on to find out!
Doesn’t that make you want to die inside, just a little? How should I prepare? Lots of booze? Hershey bars? Put down the chocolate and nobody gets hurt. ACK! [Cathy joke.] [LOL.]
“I have always felt that life was simply a series of personal humiliations relieved, occasionally, by the humiliations of others.” — Lorrie Moore, Anagrams
My one Christmas wish: that someone will take me to see The Nutcracker on Horseback.
I’m naming my apartment after this album.
fun evening w/ the bros
#2
My #1 boos
#1
This is my Neil Labute impression.