Today is National Coming Out Day. What a strange holiday!
I came out to my parents via email, because I’m really, really mature and, despite being able to talk to my mom about all of the dumb stuff that my friends do, I was actually unable to call my parents up and say, “NEWS FLASH, I LIKE DUDES.”
This is probably not the best timing, but I feel like it’s TIME that I come out to you guys because, honestly, I’m kind of tired of feeling like I have to hide that I’m gay from you, or anyone else for that matter. I started coming out to friends in November 2006 when I was dating someone, and I found that everyone was happy that I was being honest about it and - probably because I wouldn’t be friends with someone who cared anyway - no one acted like it was a big deal. And I kind of feel the same way at this point, since I don’t really think that it defines me as a person in the first place.
I came out on February 4, 2008, which was about a week after my mother called to tell me that my dad’s cancer had come back. I realized I was running out of time to be open and honest with him, and I thought, “Why not? There’s no reason why he shouldn’t know at this point.” I’ve written before that we never really talked about it, which is my only regret (of course, I feel dumb telling them that being gay doesn’t define me as a person, because it does, in a way - it’s unavoidable!), but I knew that ultimately, he didn’t care, and if he was around today he’d tell me that. And I knew that then, too, which is why I ended that email with, “I don’t think that you’d be angry or hate me because people who would feel that way toward me are, frankly, idiot assholes. I want you to know that no matter what I may have said or implied before, I do not think either of you are idiot assholes.”
Relatively speaking, my mother has handled it well. Three years later she’s now able to make jokes about me hooking up with Nate Berkus, and while the idea of my mother joking about me having gay sex is physically repellant and a notion that almost forces me into a state of celibacy, I can see this is her way of saying, “I love you no matter what, now please make me proud and only sleep with attractive people.”
I love the video of John Waters I posted above. I love the idea of him saying he doesn’t get the big deal about coming out, because in a perfect world, no one would have to! I hope that one day it doesn’t matter, that gay folks don’t have to express to others, “Yes, I am different, and that’s OK, too!” I want people to be able to live their lives without feeling bad for being different, and I want there to be a day in which everyone can just do the things that make them happy and love the people they want to love.
