1. Fuck off.
2. They sell these at American Eagle, you dummies.
3. I went to American Eagle on Wednesday night for the first time in, oh, eleven years? All I wanted was a normal hat because it was cold and I lost mine, and I spent six minutes looking at the pile of clearance “bearded” beanies trying to decide if they were worth buying to rip the bearded part off, but then I realized that I would have to live with the fact that I exchanged money for such an item and, frankly, I’d rather have my ears fall off from the cold. So I went to Duane Reade and bought a hat for six dollars like a normal adult.
