Mom: I was cleaning out Grandmommie’s dresser today and found a lot of funny stuff.
Me: Like what?
Mom: Well, there was a “Declaration of Independence” in which you stated that you were independent from me.
Me: Hmm. I don’t remember that one. Were there any reasons?
Mom: Oh, no, just that I was a terrible mother, THE USUAL.
Me: What’d you do with it?
Mom: I threw it in the trash.