Posts tagged pull your head out of your ass
Tyler Coates
GUESS WHAT? I’M SUPPORTING THE MAGIC BY BUYING DISCOUNTED TICKETS, YOU JAG OFFS.
Gay voices, you guys.
Let’s all read the first paragraph of Jacob Brown’s profile of Lana Del Rey together, shall we?
Curvaceous and pretty in a dress, she brims with catchy songs, all a bit retro, ironic and modern. Without straying too far off the pop grid, she’s the perfect antidote to Rihanna-Gaga overload — dare we say, a skinnier Adele, a more stable Amy Winehouse? Since posting “Video Games” to YouTube last summer, she’s amassed tens of millions of hits, sold out concerts to fashion’s who’s who and now, finally, has released her long-awaited album, which is currently No. 2 on the Billboard Top 200 in America, and No. 1 in Britain, Germany, Ireland, Switzerland and Austria. If you were going to manufacture a star for this moment, you’d manufacture her. Some people believe that’s precisely what happened.
1. Compares Lana Del Rey to two pop stars that she does not sound like.
2. Insinuates that she’s a good alternative to the fat singer-songwriter.
3. Insinuates that her dark, brooding songs that glorify self-destruction are good alternatives to the dark, brooding songs written by a dead self-destructive singer-songwriter.
4. Places her first song/video’s play count on YouTube as a more important feat than reaching the number-two spot on the Billboard chart.
5. “If you were going to manufacture a star for this moment, you’d manufacture her.” (I don’t even know what this is supposed to mean.)
It seems to me that if this guy is claiming that everyone has misread his article, he might have gone to greater lengths to write clearly what he wanted to say. Or perhaps he can address the fact that sexism exists without participating in it?
Of course, if you want an alternative, read Maura’s piece at The Village Voice today. It’s the tops.
Dear Time Out Chicago:
Go fuck yourself.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Hey, remind me to tell you the story about how I met the founder of Thought Catalog, when he tried to bait me into making fun of his terrible website by complimenting me for this post and conveniently waiting to inform me of his job. (I had a hunch that he was onto some REAL HOUSEWIVES BULLSHIT when I saw him talking to Tao Lin and Ryan O’Connell minutes before introducing himself to me.) After he revealed that he was the founder of Thought Catalog? He told me that he “had considered hiring me,” whatever the hell that means.
Go ahead and read this Forbes interview between the founder of the website and one of his contributors if you must. If you don’t, let me just share with you this tidbit, which is really the chicken of the nugget:
We are in the process of overhauling the site from the ground up. You’re going see everything change from invisible things like the technical infrastructure, to concrete things like the visual design and editorial. We’re striving to become one of the best content websites out there and because everyone involved with Thought Catalog is so talented, so dedicated we might just pull it off.
1. Fuck off.
2. They sell these at American Eagle, you dummies.
3. I went to American Eagle on Wednesday night for the first time in, oh, eleven years? All I wanted was a normal hat because it was cold and I lost mine, and I spent six minutes looking at the pile of clearance “bearded” beanies trying to decide if they were worth buying to rip the bearded part off, but then I realized that I would have to live with the fact that I exchanged money for such an item and, frankly, I’d rather have my ears fall off from the cold. So I went to Duane Reade and bought a hat for six dollars like a normal adult.
“Those roles that matter,” like Tigress in Kung Fu Panda 2, Elise Clifton-Ward in The Tourist, Evelyn Salt in Salt, Fox in Wanted, Grendel’s Mother in Beowulf, Jane Smith in Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Olympias in Alexander, Franky in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Lola in Shark Tale, Illeana in Taking Lives, Lara Croft in Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, and Lanie Kerrigan in Life or Something Like It. You know, those great roles that really matter.
‘Up until today I have posted virtually everyone of my tweets on my own, but clearly the platform has become to big to be managed by a single individual,’ wrote Kutcher. ‘It seems that today that twitter has grown into a mass publishing platform, where ones tweets quickly become news that is broadcated around the world and misinformation becomes volitile fotter for critics.’
Man up, fuckers.
Also: sexually harass your female coworkers.
“I’m really scared for my generation, you know. The thing that scares me most is Tumblr. I hate what Tumblr has become. Because it like, it reminds me of those clique-y girls in high school that used to make fun of everyone else and define what was cool, but in five years, when you all graduate, that shit doesn’t matter. No one gives a fuck about that shit. Instead of kids going out and making their own moments, they’re just taking these images and living vicariously through other people’s moments. It just kills me. Then you’ll meet them and they’re just the biggest turkey in the world. They don’t actually embody any of those things. They just emulate. It’s scary man, simulation life that we’re living. It scares me.” -Drake
Still don’t know who Drake is but maybe some of you should think about this.
Well, to start you probably shouldn’t compare something you hate to GIRLS. And mass media, which includes films, photography, music (rap!), and television (Degrassi: The Next Generation!), etc., is generally something that people live vicariously through, too. So I guess we should all stop consuming everything that anyone else makes and focus on ourselves. I’ll start by continuing not to emulate DRAKE.
Here are three opinions that should not have been offered!
“It’s all about your pitch,” said Reece Pacheco, the co-founder and CEO of the hot video-sharing startup Shelby.tv, who was at the N.Y.S.E. that Saturday scouting for talent. “Right now Occupy Wall Street’s pitch is really bad because no one know what they’re really about. You got some people saying ‘yeah, stop spending money, and get the troops out of Iraq,’ and like, ‘free Nelson Mandela!’ They’re all over the place.”
“My view of it is that they have not been utilizing technology to their full advantage,” said Brandon Diamond, founder of the Hackers Union, a collective of New York programmers. “What they should start with is a centralized resource where people can find out what they’re protesting. Even a Twitter account.”
“I think the way it’s been executed has been really poor,” said Melanie Moore, a former financial analyst who is now on her second web startup, a subscription-based site for fashion essentials. “That list of demands that came out? It was like, Marxist bullshit. It was crazy. Like, ‘we should abolish government.’ Like anarchist … they’ve gotten to the point where their brand is very diluted.”
I JUST WANT MY VOICE TO BE HEARD.
Dick move, Tyler Coates. I’m all for satire but it isn’t a random percentage and this is the most positive thing the youth of America have been involved in in a long time. 1% of the population of this country controls 42% of ALL of the wealth of the nation. They take our jobs, make us pay for college educations that won’t secure us jobs, they drive us bankrupt with medical bills we can’t afford to pay and foreclose on our homes while using our tax money to give their CEOs bonuses. They’ve gotten rich off of the backs of the middle-class, and it’s time to stop.
Maybe try to encourage people instead. The 1% are out there mocking us enough, believe me.
Ha ha ha OOOOOOK. I wasn’t just making fun of the 99% but actually the 53% and really anyone who thinks that putting a picture of him or herself on the Internet next to a one-page handwritten screed is what it’s gonna take to start a conversation. PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS. If you want to do something, go somewhere and do it. Don’t call me a dick on the Internet, especially when I am mostly in favor of the Occupy Wall Street efforts and was just joking about folks on the Internet, as is my way, because come the fuck on.
